Went to a "Sing-A-Long Sound of Music". Not many audience considering it's a Tuesday night. Each ticket was RM87 each. Probably some KL folks will still be able to afford them. I guess most of them will watch it during the weekends.

It's too 'family' that I felt really homesick. First of all, my brother gave me the tickets to the show (yeah, no way I'll be paying RM174 to go with a friend!). Ever since he moved out, we haven't had much time to talk like before. My 'homesickness' is getting worse by the day. I had to control my sing along (all the movie's songs are subtitled) so that they don't turn into sobs. Luckily the theatre was very dark.

Although I miss my parents very much, I miss my grandfather more. He recorded "Sound of Music" for me on VCR when I was very young, and he usually played it when I visited him. He passed away early this year and I did not have a chance to even say goodbye. In fact, due to my busy schedule, the last I saw him was probably half a year before he died. I am very sure he was proud of his granddaughter who was busy working, trying to make a living in KL, but can I be proud of that?

Sometimes I really wonder what am I doing? Is this mad pursue in a materialistic world really necessary? Don't give me that 'holier than thou' advice ok, a car doesn't run on water, the bills need to be paid and your stomach needs food a few times a day. Not forgetting the phone line and the broadband internet that I'm using now to blog, they are not free!

When is this 'endless' thing going to end....? I am tired. I want to press the REWIND button to go back to my childhood days- having parents around all the time, spending time with my brother, going to school to learn about the world, visiting grandparents, and spending time reading, 'exploring' yourself and the world around you without pressure. No mad traffic jams, no bills, no DEADLINES, no "I can't talk to you right now I'm busy" crap.

Unfortunately, there's no going back, there's just forward... and FORWARD means more challenges, more DEADLINES, more "I can't talk to you" :(

And there's no - THE END - to this 'movie' I am in. The end is the beginning which is the end. I want to go home. I want to go "home" to Mother Vajra Yogini and never again suffer in samsara.