What is wrong ? Time to learn to let go? Time to learn about impermenance? Time to learn about non-attachment?

Perhaps...

In the midst of chasing deadlines, I took a break and read some of the entries on this blog. Another year has gone by. The first entry of this blog was Tiesto (Mac 2006), ha! I miss those trance/ electronic maestro's mix. Haven't been reading Zouk's website about who's coming to town for ages. I guess they don't matter to me anymore.

Lately have been very indolent. Just want to take a breather from everything. Have not been the sharp-witted, humourous and sometimes sarcastic me... but rather a quiet, lazy me. Sometimes you see yourself changing, and you are not sure what's the change, but weird, because you are supposed to be incharged of that change, because the subject that is changing is you!!!!

Chinese New Year is coming, but I don't feel festive at all. Perhaps in Malaysia, one ALWAYS feel festive with all the nice public holidays and the shopping malls with sales all the time. And with the many wedding and birthday dinners that I attend recently, Chinese New Year can't beat the food and the 'banquet' feel, no matter how festive it can be.

It is strange, I am going to embark on a journey home... A home that my last visit was last Chinese New Year. Where is HOME?!

I am happy that I will meet my parents again, and am sure they somehow will miss this "brat" who's out in the city to try to make a living... I get to meet Grandma again. I miss Grandpa who passed away last year.

Then there will be reunion dinners with friends whom you don't even contact anymore but once a year, meet at a reunion BBQ kindly hosted by one of your "FRIENDS" whom you don't even know already got married/ had kids/ had another kid etc

May be I am growing old and getting tired ... or may be it's just pure laziness manifesting ... May be it's just lack of sleep...

Haven't had time to update the blog for months. Yes, been very very busy.

A year is coming to an end. It has been a very challenging year- non-stop deadlines at work, grandfather passed away, car accident, broken car engine, homesickness due to not meeting my family for almost a year...

BUT it has also been a good year- I am reconnected with my spiritual path in an active way through Kechara House, which was very unexpected although much prayed for. What more could a girl ask for- a beautiful centre to learn Dharma from, supportive spiritual friends, a flamboyant and a good looking ex-model Tibetan Lama fluent in English who's very good looking, oops... Here, YOU see for yourself...

Tsem Tulku Rinpoche the reincarnated Tibetan lama and model


















I find it funny when people ask me: "Is he a MONK?" There's no rules in the world that says monks can't be gorgeous :p .

May be people are not aware that many monks (yes, I have met many of them) are very good looking. Look at this picture of His Holiness Trinlay Thaye Dorje below...

Need I say more?? :P (Stop ogling and drooling!)

Trust me, being a 'groupies' for a *Bodhisattva is better than ogling at any 'normal' good looking man, for a simply reason- when you admire (not ogle at !) a Bodhisattva, you are aspiring to be one yourself but when you ogle at a good looking man, it just increases one's attachment to looks and desire. But we, lucky we, have the best of both worlds!!! We have Bodhisattvas who are very good looking hahahah!!! *Can't believe my luck!*

What are you waiting for? Tear down that Tom Cruise, Orlando Bloom, Brad Pitt pin-ups and put up Tibetan lamas posters on that wall!!!!

So what will happen to me in 2007? Gonna work harder to improve myself and let me check in the crystal ball for a reading...yes, I see myself meeting more good looking Bodhisattvas, muahahahahahaha!!!!

Have a good 2007 every one! May you have the merits to meet great spiritual masters who have wisdom to guide you and bring you to the next level in your spiritual path and may you have the merits to meet good looking ones too hehehe *evil*

Instead of making another new year resolution for my own selfish reason, I thought I'd do a dedication prayer and think about OTHERS more... * Bravo to the second national car Perodua's advertisement on Malaysian tv with message that perhaps it's time to think about others*

Here's the excerpt from Shantideva's A Guide to Bodhisattva's Way of Life composed in the 8th century ...

May all beings everywhere, plagued by sufferings of body and mind,
Obtain an ocean of happiness and joy by virtue of my merits.

May no living creature suffer,commit evil or ever fall ill.
May no one be afraid or belittled, with a mind weighed down by depression.
May the blind see forms, and the deaf hear sounds.
May those whose bodies are worn with toil be restored on finding repose.

May the naked find clothing, the hungry find food.
May the thirsty find water and delicious drinks.
May the poor find wealth, those weak with sorrow find joy.

May the forlorn find hope, constant happiness and prosperity.
May there be timely rains and bountiful harvests.
May all medicines be effective and wholesome prayers bear fruit.

May all who are sick and ill quickly be freed from their ailments.
Whatever diseases there are in the world, may they never occur again.

May the frightened cease to be afraid and those bound be freed.
May the powerless find power and may people think of benefiting each other.

For as long as space endures, for as long as living beings remain, until then may I too abide, to dispel the misery of the world


* A Bodhisattva is motivated by pure compassion and love. Their goal is to achieve the highest level of being: that of a Buddha. Bodhisattva is a Sanskrit term which translates as: Bodhi [enlightenment] and sattva [being]. And their reason for becoming a Buddha is to help others.

Went to a "Sing-A-Long Sound of Music". Not many audience considering it's a Tuesday night. Each ticket was RM87 each. Probably some KL folks will still be able to afford them. I guess most of them will watch it during the weekends.

It's too 'family' that I felt really homesick. First of all, my brother gave me the tickets to the show (yeah, no way I'll be paying RM174 to go with a friend!). Ever since he moved out, we haven't had much time to talk like before. My 'homesickness' is getting worse by the day. I had to control my sing along (all the movie's songs are subtitled) so that they don't turn into sobs. Luckily the theatre was very dark.

Although I miss my parents very much, I miss my grandfather more. He recorded "Sound of Music" for me on VCR when I was very young, and he usually played it when I visited him. He passed away early this year and I did not have a chance to even say goodbye. In fact, due to my busy schedule, the last I saw him was probably half a year before he died. I am very sure he was proud of his granddaughter who was busy working, trying to make a living in KL, but can I be proud of that?

Sometimes I really wonder what am I doing? Is this mad pursue in a materialistic world really necessary? Don't give me that 'holier than thou' advice ok, a car doesn't run on water, the bills need to be paid and your stomach needs food a few times a day. Not forgetting the phone line and the broadband internet that I'm using now to blog, they are not free!

When is this 'endless' thing going to end....? I am tired. I want to press the REWIND button to go back to my childhood days- having parents around all the time, spending time with my brother, going to school to learn about the world, visiting grandparents, and spending time reading, 'exploring' yourself and the world around you without pressure. No mad traffic jams, no bills, no DEADLINES, no "I can't talk to you right now I'm busy" crap.

Unfortunately, there's no going back, there's just forward... and FORWARD means more challenges, more DEADLINES, more "I can't talk to you" :(

And there's no - THE END - to this 'movie' I am in. The end is the beginning which is the end. I want to go home. I want to go "home" to Mother Vajra Yogini and never again suffer in samsara.

Incredible emanated form of the Queen of all Attachments, Vajra Yogini, who by taking refuge, one is able to transmute attachments, pains and desires into paths to become a being of light to benefit others... She is a representation of complete Buddhahood in female form, whose practices are associated with the Chakrasamvara Cycle of Anuttarayoga Tantra.

She is able to control and pacify outer obstacles such as accidents, sudden death, negative forces, demons/spirits, and purify the results of our negative actions of the past. She looks up to the pure realm of Kechara and drinks from the skull-cup held aloft in her left hand. Her looking upwards represents her great capacity that in this life she is able to help us create the circumstances for us to be taken to Kechara Paradise or the divine realm of herself, where even the word suffering does not exist. She is supremely excellent in many facets of pacification of problems in this life. Increase of merits, wealth, attainments, and general harmony.

Her glorious red body is symbolic of her ability to control our mind that creates unhappiness knowlingly and unknowingly. She in her completeness also has the fourth of the abilities that skillfully benefits practioners which is wrath. When all else fails, she uses wrathful means to subdue inner and outer creations to facilitate all that is necessary to pacify chronic negative results of previous karmic actions.

In Buddhism, female energy holds a very high position and there is no greater love than that which is represented by mothers, who gives swiftly and unconditionally whatever we need. Thus if we listen to our Lama (who represents our mothers), practice Vajrayogini teachings, we receive the love of mothers and supported by her ability to grant us wisdom, we are able to achieve freedom from Samsara within one lifetime.

(Source: From "Learn about Vajra Yogini" @ www.kechara.com )

Cool huh? :) Although I can't go to the real Kechara Paradise yet but at least I can go to Kechara House :D Probably should also pay a visit to the Dharma shop with the identical name Kechara Paradise just for the sake of it , hehe.

Here's a praise written in Chinese by Guru C. M. Chen and translated by his disciple Yutang Lin. My father used to read C.M. Chen's book when I was younger. (* Memories... making my homesickness worse!) Interesting to know that C.M. Chen also adores Vajra Yogini.

Grant extinction of sorrows and revival of Innate Wisdom,
Grant regulation of winds and channels and attainment of Non-death fruit,
Grant taming of devils and enemies and attraction of all beings in the Ten Dharma Realms,
I prostrate and praise in the presence of Supreme Vajra Yogini!

I foresee a lot of work and joy ahead :) on my path to meet this beautiful 'mother' Vajra Yogini.

No, this is not an ego trip. A kind friend sent me this link to empower me. Just to share with all of you out there.

http://www.renee.youaremighty.com/

I guess I can finally sing my favourite cartoon's theme:

Fighting crime trying to save the world... haha! Erm, what crime am I fighting??

Haha, enjoy!

No, not a magic show. Wait, may be it was a magic show after all :)

magic: a special and exciting quality that makes something seem different from ordinary things.

A kind friend gave me a copy of The Magical Show, a documentary by Anika Tokarchuk, about acclaimed director Khyentse Norbu (aka Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche) and his vision to make a movie about the life of Buddha. Can't wait for that to happen :)

I'm such a fan of his movies! The Cup was once chosen to represent Bhutan as its entry to the foreign language film category for Academy Awards. Travellers and Magicians was screened at many international film festivals, such as Toronto International Film Festival, Venice International Film Festival and Cannes. Oh how I miss those afternoons when I used to watch international movies at Midvalley with a student ticket during my years in uni (some classes were so boring I'd fall asleep anyway :D!).

Some of you might think: "Oh no, not another Little Buddha movie!". Well, not really, although he was the consultant relating to Buddhism for that movie. Khyentse Norbu wants to parallel Buddha's story with Khenpo Kunga Wangchuk's. Khenpo Kunga Wangchuk is a highly revered master. His Holiness the Dalai Lama has also received teachings and empowerments from him. It wrenched me to hear his tale of physical and mental torment he suffered, especially the 21 years in Chinese concentration prisons. The condition in the concentration camp, such as being given only one handful of tsampa (roasted flour) to eat a day, living in a small room cramped with about 100 people, forced to urinate at the gold-leaf-decorated wall painted with Buddhist deities; are really unbearable! This reminds me of the torture in Abu Ghraib prison, but his suffering was probably at a greater magnitude as it was for almost two decades.

Also, at an old age, Khenpo Kunga Wangchuk crossed the Himalayas, alone, on foot (!!!), to meet the new reincarnation of his beloved guru. It's amazing how he survived the hardship and still is the kind, devoted, 'not-gonna-waste-any-time-of-my-precious-live' person, teaching many classes a day (even on weekends) when he first arrived at the monastery.

The next sentence is rated PG-13: "Parents Strongly Cautioned. Some Material May Be Inappropriate For Children Under 13."

Next time when I am in deep sh*t, I will remember his story. None of the sh*t I face can compare.