Went to a "Sing-A-Long Sound of Music". Not many audience considering it's a Tuesday night. Each ticket was RM87 each. Probably some KL folks will still be able to afford them. I guess most of them will watch it during the weekends.

It's too 'family' that I felt really homesick. First of all, my brother gave me the tickets to the show (yeah, no way I'll be paying RM174 to go with a friend!). Ever since he moved out, we haven't had much time to talk like before. My 'homesickness' is getting worse by the day. I had to control my sing along (all the movie's songs are subtitled) so that they don't turn into sobs. Luckily the theatre was very dark.

Although I miss my parents very much, I miss my grandfather more. He recorded "Sound of Music" for me on VCR when I was very young, and he usually played it when I visited him. He passed away early this year and I did not have a chance to even say goodbye. In fact, due to my busy schedule, the last I saw him was probably half a year before he died. I am very sure he was proud of his granddaughter who was busy working, trying to make a living in KL, but can I be proud of that?

Sometimes I really wonder what am I doing? Is this mad pursue in a materialistic world really necessary? Don't give me that 'holier than thou' advice ok, a car doesn't run on water, the bills need to be paid and your stomach needs food a few times a day. Not forgetting the phone line and the broadband internet that I'm using now to blog, they are not free!

When is this 'endless' thing going to end....? I am tired. I want to press the REWIND button to go back to my childhood days- having parents around all the time, spending time with my brother, going to school to learn about the world, visiting grandparents, and spending time reading, 'exploring' yourself and the world around you without pressure. No mad traffic jams, no bills, no DEADLINES, no "I can't talk to you right now I'm busy" crap.

Unfortunately, there's no going back, there's just forward... and FORWARD means more challenges, more DEADLINES, more "I can't talk to you" :(

And there's no - THE END - to this 'movie' I am in. The end is the beginning which is the end. I want to go home. I want to go "home" to Mother Vajra Yogini and never again suffer in samsara.

Incredible emanated form of the Queen of all Attachments, Vajra Yogini, who by taking refuge, one is able to transmute attachments, pains and desires into paths to become a being of light to benefit others... She is a representation of complete Buddhahood in female form, whose practices are associated with the Chakrasamvara Cycle of Anuttarayoga Tantra.

She is able to control and pacify outer obstacles such as accidents, sudden death, negative forces, demons/spirits, and purify the results of our negative actions of the past. She looks up to the pure realm of Kechara and drinks from the skull-cup held aloft in her left hand. Her looking upwards represents her great capacity that in this life she is able to help us create the circumstances for us to be taken to Kechara Paradise or the divine realm of herself, where even the word suffering does not exist. She is supremely excellent in many facets of pacification of problems in this life. Increase of merits, wealth, attainments, and general harmony.

Her glorious red body is symbolic of her ability to control our mind that creates unhappiness knowlingly and unknowingly. She in her completeness also has the fourth of the abilities that skillfully benefits practioners which is wrath. When all else fails, she uses wrathful means to subdue inner and outer creations to facilitate all that is necessary to pacify chronic negative results of previous karmic actions.

In Buddhism, female energy holds a very high position and there is no greater love than that which is represented by mothers, who gives swiftly and unconditionally whatever we need. Thus if we listen to our Lama (who represents our mothers), practice Vajrayogini teachings, we receive the love of mothers and supported by her ability to grant us wisdom, we are able to achieve freedom from Samsara within one lifetime.

(Source: From "Learn about Vajra Yogini" @ www.kechara.com )

Cool huh? :) Although I can't go to the real Kechara Paradise yet but at least I can go to Kechara House :D Probably should also pay a visit to the Dharma shop with the identical name Kechara Paradise just for the sake of it , hehe.

Here's a praise written in Chinese by Guru C. M. Chen and translated by his disciple Yutang Lin. My father used to read C.M. Chen's book when I was younger. (* Memories... making my homesickness worse!) Interesting to know that C.M. Chen also adores Vajra Yogini.

Grant extinction of sorrows and revival of Innate Wisdom,
Grant regulation of winds and channels and attainment of Non-death fruit,
Grant taming of devils and enemies and attraction of all beings in the Ten Dharma Realms,
I prostrate and praise in the presence of Supreme Vajra Yogini!

I foresee a lot of work and joy ahead :) on my path to meet this beautiful 'mother' Vajra Yogini.

No, this is not an ego trip. A kind friend sent me this link to empower me. Just to share with all of you out there.

http://www.renee.youaremighty.com/

I guess I can finally sing my favourite cartoon's theme:

Fighting crime trying to save the world... haha! Erm, what crime am I fighting??

Haha, enjoy!